How to Cut Class Convincingly

Posted by
Jeff Black On Oct 11 , 2013

Playing hookie has never been so believable. Students constantly skip classes in college, but few take the time to do so with conviction. We’ve gathered some top tips here from our own student base, as well as’s Landon James, to help you get out of your schedule without the consequences of the professor’s disbelief and passive-aggressive grading.

  1. Death. No sacred cows here: if a friend or family member has recently or historically died, or you can put on a good grieving face, this will keep you out of a few due dates and gain you some sympathy. The Bullet ranks this excuse a 10 out of 10.
  2. Ipecac. This drug will make you sick within several minutes of taking it. Doctors use it to remove poisons from the system, so the fireworks it sends of will surely make it obvious you can’t take whatever exam, test, speech or lab you didn’t study for. Just don’t mind being remembered as the guy who lost his lunch in Astronomy class.
  3. Concussion. Faking a concussion is the most foolproof way of getting out of class, being late, or having not completed your homework. Signs of concussion? Looking tired, wearing sunglasses, acting a bit wobbly and hungover. Throw the appearance of a headache and getting a few words mixed up, and your poor attendance is sure to be believable.
  4. Migraine. One-third of Americans suffer from headaches that render them unable to attend class. You don’t need a doctor’s note, and if they ask you why you didn’t get one, just say the meds don’t work. Go into graphic detail about how sick to your stomach you were to really stop them from wanting to ask questions.

Other tips are available at UMW Bullet>>