Part 2, Love: The Defining Decade

Posted by
Jeff Black On Jul 9 , 2013

Couple Holding Hands

If you read yesterday’s blog post then you know what we’re talking about today. For those of you who don’t, we’re talking about “The Defining Decade: Why your twenties matter and how to make the most of them now” by Meg Jay, PhD.

The book is sorted out into three sections: work (which we talked about yesterday), love (which we’ll be talking about today) and health.

I am excited about today’s blog post because the love section is my absolute favorite. If you’re a twenty-something, dating may seem like a foreign land to you because chivalry has pretty much died in the twenty-first century. This isn’t a surprise since twenty-somethings spend more time single than any other generation in history.


“[Society] is structured to distract people from the decisions that have a huge impact on happiness in order to focus attention on the decisions that have a marginal impact on happiness. The most important decision any of us make is who we marry. Yet there are no courses on how to choose a spouse.” – David Brooks, political and cultural commentator

Jay begins with a quote from Brooks, who had writer’s block when he was asked to speak at a commencement ceremony. He wanted to talk about how the most important decision in one’s life is not what college they choose but rather who they marry.

Society has gotten the notion into our head that your twenties are the time to live it up, but Jay says she has yet to hear any twenty-something want this behind closed doors. It just seems politically correct for young people to focus on their careers and other more important things.

But what do you do when you hit “The Age Thirty Deadline?”

The Age Thirty Deadline is the nagging concern that many twenty-somethings have – I must be married by 30.

How do you plan on being married by 30 years old if you are screwing around up until the old age of 29? You aren’t going to wake up one day, and say “Oh, I’m ready to get married now.”

While there is a lot more I can teach you about love and marriage from this section, I am going to end with this very important lesson:

Begin preparing for a long-term partner now, not when you’re 30 and desperate.

What do you think is most important for twenty-somethings to know about love and marriage? Tell us in your comments below.